A new, quite reluctant beginning

So, it happened. My worst nightmare came true. The single greatest fear of people all over the world came to fruition in my life.

I was in a relationship. I found out that I could not, despite my best efforts, make her happy. I tried my hardest, did everything that I could to make it work, and I failed.

Yes, it was precisely what you think it would be like. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I cried, I wept, I longed for her and for the past. I thought of ways to reform what we had in some way. I considered living a life that wasn't mine simply for the sake of being with her.

And yet somehow, here on the other side, here I am. Still alive. A little worse for wear, and unsure of what to do with myself, but here nonetheless. It will take plenty more time to fully heal, to understand what I'm meant to learn from this and where I'm meant to go from here. Of course I still love her, of course I still care about her. But mostly I care about her happiness and her friendship and presence in my life. If this is the only way, so be it.

All of that being said, I feel a fresh start is in order. It's becoming a beautiful spring in Waco, TX, I have a clean apartment and a little spare cash, some great friends and a lot of opportunities to do well for myself.

Time for a little me time. Knock 'em dead, kid.

[EDIT: Screw me time. Screw new beginnings and fresh starts. I'm not happy without you. I'm not happy by myself. All I want is you. 4/7/10 - 25 months)