Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Where do I go from here?
Recently I haven't been sleeping.
Music is one of my passions, and it's been a long time since I've been able to lose myself in it. To be surrounded by overwhelming sound and know that you're creating something beautiful, or at least something meaningful to you, is intoxicating. I forget that the reason I've never done drugs or drank excessively is because I can lost myself in something else. I can lose myself in something that gives back to me, in something that is bigger than myself and bigger than anything I could ever try to control. In fact, I don't try to control it. I write what comes out, and simply choose what to play the second time around.
You have to understand, sleep is one of my favorite things in this world. Naps come frequently and are epic in nature and length. I plan my day around getting 8 hours of sleep or more.
I've written a lot more in the past days, written for the sake of writing. I wish I was someone who could express these universal feelings that everyone has in words that connect with people. I can express it in my way, but that is often wordy, convoluted and diluted from the true meaning of what I'm trying to say. I wish I had the words to move people and stir inside them passions, longings and fears. To express the heartache, sorrow and indescribable thoughts of the heart. I write for myself, but I want to write for everyone. I want to have songs that people will sing because it makes them feel better. I want songs that people will listen to when they feel down and will commiserate with them. What I want, is to speak words into people that will go as deep as emotions.
Lately, however, I'm getting more like 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. When I do sleep, it is fretful and worrysome. My bed is not as comfortable as it used to be, nor can I seem to find that perfect sleeping temperature anymore. I wake up feeling as though I'm sleepwalking and have no control over what I'm doing. On the one hand, it's refreshing because I almost feel absolved of responsibility. I'm simply a passenger in this journey called my life. I sit back and watch what happens while I whisper things like, "Don't go that way, you know what's going to happen. Turn around." I get knots in my stomach as I see the story going ways I wish it wouldn't, and hope for the sake of me that the main character makes it. I wonder if he will sometimes though.
I said it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I lied. It is worse than I could ever imagine. I feel lost and left out at sea. I feel like I'm dying and I have no way to talk to anyone before that time comes, like I'm just out of reach of the life raft and no one to call for help. For some unexplained reason I feel dirty and left out to dry. Like being washed in muddy water and left to dry. Going through the motions without the desired effect. All of the appearances inevitably end up just being one more road to nowhere.
So I now ask you, where do i go from here? What path am I supposed to take? Never have what I wanted, what I needed, what I wished and what I'm doing been so disjointed. Never have my life and my mind felt opposed in such a strict dichotomy. The separation is unbearable. I feel like the ever growing hole in my chest will eventually kill me, or leave me a shadow of what I was before. I'm afraid I'll never be the same. All I want is to be the same.
I've lost the one joy in my life and the one person who completed me.
Where do I go from here?
I guess it's the normal passage of time
When my heart breaks like it's no longer mine
But I will rise up and carry my shame
Carry this burden, carry this pain
When the wind howls, oh I feel its pain
When the wind cries out, oh I hear your name
Shaky, wounded and weak,
Where do I go?
Music is one of my passions, and it's been a long time since I've been able to lose myself in it. To be surrounded by overwhelming sound and know that you're creating something beautiful, or at least something meaningful to you, is intoxicating. I forget that the reason I've never done drugs or drank excessively is because I can lost myself in something else. I can lose myself in something that gives back to me, in something that is bigger than myself and bigger than anything I could ever try to control. In fact, I don't try to control it. I write what comes out, and simply choose what to play the second time around.
You have to understand, sleep is one of my favorite things in this world. Naps come frequently and are epic in nature and length. I plan my day around getting 8 hours of sleep or more.
I've written a lot more in the past days, written for the sake of writing. I wish I was someone who could express these universal feelings that everyone has in words that connect with people. I can express it in my way, but that is often wordy, convoluted and diluted from the true meaning of what I'm trying to say. I wish I had the words to move people and stir inside them passions, longings and fears. To express the heartache, sorrow and indescribable thoughts of the heart. I write for myself, but I want to write for everyone. I want to have songs that people will sing because it makes them feel better. I want songs that people will listen to when they feel down and will commiserate with them. What I want, is to speak words into people that will go as deep as emotions.
Lately, however, I'm getting more like 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. When I do sleep, it is fretful and worrysome. My bed is not as comfortable as it used to be, nor can I seem to find that perfect sleeping temperature anymore. I wake up feeling as though I'm sleepwalking and have no control over what I'm doing. On the one hand, it's refreshing because I almost feel absolved of responsibility. I'm simply a passenger in this journey called my life. I sit back and watch what happens while I whisper things like, "Don't go that way, you know what's going to happen. Turn around." I get knots in my stomach as I see the story going ways I wish it wouldn't, and hope for the sake of me that the main character makes it. I wonder if he will sometimes though.
I said it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I lied. It is worse than I could ever imagine. I feel lost and left out at sea. I feel like I'm dying and I have no way to talk to anyone before that time comes, like I'm just out of reach of the life raft and no one to call for help. For some unexplained reason I feel dirty and left out to dry. Like being washed in muddy water and left to dry. Going through the motions without the desired effect. All of the appearances inevitably end up just being one more road to nowhere.
So I now ask you, where do i go from here? What path am I supposed to take? Never have what I wanted, what I needed, what I wished and what I'm doing been so disjointed. Never have my life and my mind felt opposed in such a strict dichotomy. The separation is unbearable. I feel like the ever growing hole in my chest will eventually kill me, or leave me a shadow of what I was before. I'm afraid I'll never be the same. All I want is to be the same.
I've lost the one joy in my life and the one person who completed me.
Where do I go from here?
I guess it's the normal passage of time
When my heart breaks like it's no longer mine
But I will rise up and carry my shame
Carry this burden, carry this pain
When the wind howls, oh I feel its pain
When the wind cries out, oh I hear your name
Shaky, wounded and weak,
Where do I go?
Sunday, April 4, 2010
A new, quite reluctant beginning
So, it happened. My worst nightmare came true. The single greatest fear of people all over the world came to fruition in my life.
I was in a relationship. I found out that I could not, despite my best efforts, make her happy. I tried my hardest, did everything that I could to make it work, and I failed.
Yes, it was precisely what you think it would be like. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I cried, I wept, I longed for her and for the past. I thought of ways to reform what we had in some way. I considered living a life that wasn't mine simply for the sake of being with her.
And yet somehow, here on the other side, here I am. Still alive. A little worse for wear, and unsure of what to do with myself, but here nonetheless. It will take plenty more time to fully heal, to understand what I'm meant to learn from this and where I'm meant to go from here. Of course I still love her, of course I still care about her. But mostly I care about her happiness and her friendship and presence in my life. If this is the only way, so be it.
All of that being said, I feel a fresh start is in order. It's becoming a beautiful spring in Waco, TX, I have a clean apartment and a little spare cash, some great friends and a lot of opportunities to do well for myself.
Time for a little me time. Knock 'em dead, kid.
[EDIT: Screw me time. Screw new beginnings and fresh starts. I'm not happy without you. I'm not happy by myself. All I want is you. 4/7/10 - 25 months)
I was in a relationship. I found out that I could not, despite my best efforts, make her happy. I tried my hardest, did everything that I could to make it work, and I failed.
Yes, it was precisely what you think it would be like. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I cried, I wept, I longed for her and for the past. I thought of ways to reform what we had in some way. I considered living a life that wasn't mine simply for the sake of being with her.
And yet somehow, here on the other side, here I am. Still alive. A little worse for wear, and unsure of what to do with myself, but here nonetheless. It will take plenty more time to fully heal, to understand what I'm meant to learn from this and where I'm meant to go from here. Of course I still love her, of course I still care about her. But mostly I care about her happiness and her friendship and presence in my life. If this is the only way, so be it.
All of that being said, I feel a fresh start is in order. It's becoming a beautiful spring in Waco, TX, I have a clean apartment and a little spare cash, some great friends and a lot of opportunities to do well for myself.
Time for a little me time. Knock 'em dead, kid.
[EDIT: Screw me time. Screw new beginnings and fresh starts. I'm not happy without you. I'm not happy by myself. All I want is you. 4/7/10 - 25 months)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Top 10 Greatest Guitar Players of Today
Another top 10 list?! Yes, yes, y-e-s. Another way for you to spend 10 minutes on the latest internet trend, looking at someone else's opinion of the top ten this or the top ten that. (Hopefully this will be more interesting that some of the other top ten lists out there, though. Ex. Top 10 Custom JavaScript Functions, Top Ten Grammar Myths and God help us all, the Top Ten Top Ten Lists).
So why another Top 10 Guitarists list, you ask? Well, here's the deal. This is a list for the guitarists of today (and yesterday) that are still alive and rocking, or changing the music scene and the way things work from within the heart of music today. So please, if you're going to be offended that Jimi Hendrix is NOT going to be on this list, you should probably turn away now. But if you can get past that fact (and realize that half of these guitarists would contribute their largest influence to Jimi), then come along for the ride. Enjoy these guitarists and videographic evidence that they are indeed more manly than you.
Honorable Mention: Kaki King
Granted, it's a little weird to begin a Top Ten list that I just stated was full of men who are manlier than you with a woman. But rest assured, amigo, Kaki King will beat you down just as easily with her (wo)manly guitar skills. Sure, she may only come up to David Letterman's belly button, but I can guarantee that you will only underestimate a broken guitar string to the achille's once. All Hail Kaki.
10. Gary Hoey
Even with decidedly tool-ish tattoos, a pension for flair (not always in a good way) and hair that occasionally looks like a Rorschach ink-blot test, Gary Hoey can still play better than you while downing a pint. I mean, come on, he just made the Grinch song into a regular on my ipod, not to mention most other Christmas favorites. Hoping to be like Gary? Well, you'll need to be 14 or under, and start hanging out every day outside of Berklee College of Music asking every passing guitar player for lessons and dropping out of high school to keep the dream alive. But hey, if you're a pre-pubescent teenager surfing the world of the internet and found this, you've still got hope. So do it, but don't tell your parents where you got the idea.
9. Slash (Saul Hudson)
8. Zakk Wylde
Sorry kids, here's another guy that started his shred-tastic career at the age of 14, so if you're a 30-something hoping to jump start that dating life with some sweet licks, there's no hope. But ole' Zakk wasn't just your regular take-lessons-from-a-Berklee-grad guitar player. No, Zakk would practice guitar from the time he got home from school, through the night, until he had to leave for school again in the morning, catching up on some valuable Z's during those pointless classes. THAT, my friend, is sticking it to the man. But that's the dedication it takes to play a polka-dotted guitar and still look tough enough to make me wet myself slightly. In awe.
7. Eric Johnson
Rule #1 - Do not, under any circumstances, mess with the jacket. If you can play like Dr. Johnson does, you can dress like whatever you want (Ex. Yngwie Malmsteem, more to come later!), including the nutcracker soldiers. Not to mention he invented half of the licks you use if you've ever tried to jack a solo from one of the greats. If you've played it, he's played it 100 times, with at least 42 of them happening while he's hitting on your mom.
6. Yngwie Malmsteen
Extreme hair? Check. Extreme bracelets, necklaces and rings? Check and check. Extreme personality? Definite check. You know those asian kids on Youtube that play your favorite classical tunes on electric guitar, redone in a new and fantastic way? Yeah, Yngwie invented that. Not to mention he plays on scalloped frets. If you know what that is, you know it's ridiculous, and if you don't, go ahead and realize that he's earned every eccentricity that he has. Also, when Jimi Hendrix died, Yngwie was 10. At that point he bestowed upon himself the title of most extreme shredder of the universe.
5. Brad Paisley
Brad Paisley is the Van Halen of country music. He plays all of his own solos, his songs are actually fairly challenging to play, and he does all of it while singing and dancing around stage. By the age of 13 he was opening for headline bands at the Capital Music Hall in West Virginia, and the numbers 6, 22 and 13 are particularly important. They are, respectively, the number of albums he has, singles on the Billboard charts and songs that have reached the number 1 spot. Props to Brad Paisley.
4. Eric Clapton
No top 10 guitarists list would ever be complete without Eric Clapton. As one of the most influential guitarists of all time, he either invented, influenced or introduced 90% of what guitarists use today, and is an influence for nearly every guitarist on this list. FYI, check out his solo from 2:56-4:08. If some of the licks sound cliche or overused, it's because all of the guitarists that made it that way were copying him. Sure, during the chorus he had his backup guitarist play the lead line for him. But last time I checked, no one else could pay another guy to play their solo and still call it theirs. He was probably just up late the night before. Doing what? Oh, that's right...being a freaking legend.
3. Tommy Emmanuel
Sure, Tommy may not be as widely known as Eric Clapton, or as influential during the developmental stages of American Rock, but he's definitely still on the scene today. Starting as a professional musician at the age of 9, he had to take a break for a few years because the Australian government insisted he go to school instead of tour with the family band. Fool me once, shame on you. He then used his schooling to get involved and win countless talent shows, gain national fame, and then drop out of school to play in bands, do session work and write jingles. Fool me twice, you're Tommy Emmanuel, and you win.
2. Justin King
You know the whole craze on youtube of acoustic guitarists playing their guitars in new and exciting ways, tapping on the neck, using crazy capos, having more than one set of strings, etc? Yeah, Justin King started all of that. From his ridiculous two-handed tapping in Phunkdified, to his use of a double necked acoustic guitar in Knock On Wood, to his two-handed tapping solo in Change, Justin King is just about the most ridiculous acoustic guitar player of all time. I'm pretty sure that if he had another hand, he'd just add another neck to his acoustic and go to town. So remember, if you see a guitarist playing in a way that your Pappy wouldn't have, the King is the reason Pappy wishes he could still knock on wood like that.
1. John Mayer
And for the title of Most Influential Guitar Player of our Day, the crown goes to none other than John Mayer. The guy is a modern day Hendrix, Van Halen and Eric Clapton all rolled into one. From his guest solo in Fall Out Boy's remake of Beat It, to his acoustic prowess in Neon, to the fact that he throws out ridiculous solos in every freaking song he plays, even to the lighter side where he often picks up gigs at comedy clubs and adds that into his shows as well, John Mayer is one of the best and most sought after guitarist today. Sure, he's got the double popped collar in this video, but that's symbolic of the billions of women who are literally throwing themselves at his feet (where one popped collar represents one billion). When you learn to play guitar, sing and write songs like him, you can be a little douchey as well (just kidding if you're reading this, John. I freaking love you man). He went to and dropped out of Berklee because he could do better on his own, dated Jennifer freakin' Aniston, and in general is the manliest of the manly guitar players listed here. So here it is, the reigning King John.
Long live the King(s).
So why another Top 10 Guitarists list, you ask? Well, here's the deal. This is a list for the guitarists of today (and yesterday) that are still alive and rocking, or changing the music scene and the way things work from within the heart of music today. So please, if you're going to be offended that Jimi Hendrix is NOT going to be on this list, you should probably turn away now. But if you can get past that fact (and realize that half of these guitarists would contribute their largest influence to Jimi), then come along for the ride. Enjoy these guitarists and videographic evidence that they are indeed more manly than you.
Honorable Mention: Kaki King
Granted, it's a little weird to begin a Top Ten list that I just stated was full of men who are manlier than you with a woman. But rest assured, amigo, Kaki King will beat you down just as easily with her (wo)manly guitar skills. Sure, she may only come up to David Letterman's belly button, but I can guarantee that you will only underestimate a broken guitar string to the achille's once. All Hail Kaki.
10. Gary Hoey
Even with decidedly tool-ish tattoos, a pension for flair (not always in a good way) and hair that occasionally looks like a Rorschach ink-blot test, Gary Hoey can still play better than you while downing a pint. I mean, come on, he just made the Grinch song into a regular on my ipod, not to mention most other Christmas favorites. Hoping to be like Gary? Well, you'll need to be 14 or under, and start hanging out every day outside of Berklee College of Music asking every passing guitar player for lessons and dropping out of high school to keep the dream alive. But hey, if you're a pre-pubescent teenager surfing the world of the internet and found this, you've still got hope. So do it, but don't tell your parents where you got the idea.
9. Slash (Saul Hudson)
- Do you have a guitar like that, and can you pull of playing in without being a complete tool? No.
- Do you have hair like that, and can you pull off wearing a top hat and cut off tee without looking like white trash? Didn't think so.
- Can you go through a pack of cigarettes at every show, playing a solo with one hand while simultaneously lighting one up to keep the nicotine flowing? Of course not.
8. Zakk Wylde
Sorry kids, here's another guy that started his shred-tastic career at the age of 14, so if you're a 30-something hoping to jump start that dating life with some sweet licks, there's no hope. But ole' Zakk wasn't just your regular take-lessons-from-a-Berklee-grad guitar player. No, Zakk would practice guitar from the time he got home from school, through the night, until he had to leave for school again in the morning, catching up on some valuable Z's during those pointless classes. THAT, my friend, is sticking it to the man. But that's the dedication it takes to play a polka-dotted guitar and still look tough enough to make me wet myself slightly. In awe.
7. Eric Johnson
Rule #1 - Do not, under any circumstances, mess with the jacket. If you can play like Dr. Johnson does, you can dress like whatever you want (Ex. Yngwie Malmsteem, more to come later!), including the nutcracker soldiers. Not to mention he invented half of the licks you use if you've ever tried to jack a solo from one of the greats. If you've played it, he's played it 100 times, with at least 42 of them happening while he's hitting on your mom.
6. Yngwie Malmsteen
Extreme hair? Check. Extreme bracelets, necklaces and rings? Check and check. Extreme personality? Definite check. You know those asian kids on Youtube that play your favorite classical tunes on electric guitar, redone in a new and fantastic way? Yeah, Yngwie invented that. Not to mention he plays on scalloped frets. If you know what that is, you know it's ridiculous, and if you don't, go ahead and realize that he's earned every eccentricity that he has. Also, when Jimi Hendrix died, Yngwie was 10. At that point he bestowed upon himself the title of most extreme shredder of the universe.
5. Brad Paisley
Brad Paisley is the Van Halen of country music. He plays all of his own solos, his songs are actually fairly challenging to play, and he does all of it while singing and dancing around stage. By the age of 13 he was opening for headline bands at the Capital Music Hall in West Virginia, and the numbers 6, 22 and 13 are particularly important. They are, respectively, the number of albums he has, singles on the Billboard charts and songs that have reached the number 1 spot. Props to Brad Paisley.
4. Eric Clapton
No top 10 guitarists list would ever be complete without Eric Clapton. As one of the most influential guitarists of all time, he either invented, influenced or introduced 90% of what guitarists use today, and is an influence for nearly every guitarist on this list. FYI, check out his solo from 2:56-4:08. If some of the licks sound cliche or overused, it's because all of the guitarists that made it that way were copying him. Sure, during the chorus he had his backup guitarist play the lead line for him. But last time I checked, no one else could pay another guy to play their solo and still call it theirs. He was probably just up late the night before. Doing what? Oh, that's right...being a freaking legend.
3. Tommy Emmanuel
Sure, Tommy may not be as widely known as Eric Clapton, or as influential during the developmental stages of American Rock, but he's definitely still on the scene today. Starting as a professional musician at the age of 9, he had to take a break for a few years because the Australian government insisted he go to school instead of tour with the family band. Fool me once, shame on you. He then used his schooling to get involved and win countless talent shows, gain national fame, and then drop out of school to play in bands, do session work and write jingles. Fool me twice, you're Tommy Emmanuel, and you win.
2. Justin King
You know the whole craze on youtube of acoustic guitarists playing their guitars in new and exciting ways, tapping on the neck, using crazy capos, having more than one set of strings, etc? Yeah, Justin King started all of that. From his ridiculous two-handed tapping in Phunkdified, to his use of a double necked acoustic guitar in Knock On Wood, to his two-handed tapping solo in Change, Justin King is just about the most ridiculous acoustic guitar player of all time. I'm pretty sure that if he had another hand, he'd just add another neck to his acoustic and go to town. So remember, if you see a guitarist playing in a way that your Pappy wouldn't have, the King is the reason Pappy wishes he could still knock on wood like that.
1. John Mayer
And for the title of Most Influential Guitar Player of our Day, the crown goes to none other than John Mayer. The guy is a modern day Hendrix, Van Halen and Eric Clapton all rolled into one. From his guest solo in Fall Out Boy's remake of Beat It, to his acoustic prowess in Neon, to the fact that he throws out ridiculous solos in every freaking song he plays, even to the lighter side where he often picks up gigs at comedy clubs and adds that into his shows as well, John Mayer is one of the best and most sought after guitarist today. Sure, he's got the double popped collar in this video, but that's symbolic of the billions of women who are literally throwing themselves at his feet (where one popped collar represents one billion). When you learn to play guitar, sing and write songs like him, you can be a little douchey as well (just kidding if you're reading this, John. I freaking love you man). He went to and dropped out of Berklee because he could do better on his own, dated Jennifer freakin' Aniston, and in general is the manliest of the manly guitar players listed here. So here it is, the reigning King John.
Long live the King(s).
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Getting Started
A new blog, a new venture, a new step into the world of "the interwebs". So I guess the first step to explain why. If you look at the title, you'll see that this blog is named "Musings on Guitar and Musical Perception". That's basically a fancy way of saying that there are going to be lots of things on guitar, and lots of things on music, and they're all going to be in one place where you can find how to's for anything from changing your strings, replacing tone pods, and finding the exact right chord fingering. Also, as I find different things online about cool new concepts in music, guitar or bands I'll incluce those too. Basically, I want this to be a blog where you can find things that excite you about music, things that need more exposure in popular culture and occasionally those things that for whatever reason I just find completely hilarious, enthralling, exciting and amazing.
You're probably wondering who I am, as well (or maybe you're not, in which case the more relevant posts for you will be ^ that way). My name is John Mark Lowry, and I'm a guitarist, musician, and overall a lover of learning (though there are plenty of people who would love to tell you otherwise, haha). I'm a sophomore at Baylor, currently, working on my degree in Church music with an emphasis in voice. But I'm hopefully going to soon be a junior at Belmont Univeristy in Nashville, TN studying Commercial music with an dual emphasis in voice and guitar.
So what can you expect from this blog? Here's a little preview for my next couple of posts that I'm planning.
Keep playing!
You're probably wondering who I am, as well (or maybe you're not, in which case the more relevant posts for you will be ^ that way). My name is John Mark Lowry, and I'm a guitarist, musician, and overall a lover of learning (though there are plenty of people who would love to tell you otherwise, haha). I'm a sophomore at Baylor, currently, working on my degree in Church music with an emphasis in voice. But I'm hopefully going to soon be a junior at Belmont Univeristy in Nashville, TN studying Commercial music with an dual emphasis in voice and guitar.
So what can you expect from this blog? Here's a little preview for my next couple of posts that I'm planning.
- Changing your strings: I know how difficult it is to find a straight talking, concise, picture-inclusive set of directions for changing your strings in a guitarist-accepted way that's reliable, quick and works every time.
- My dream guitar setup (acoustic and electric), amp, PA, effects, and accessories setup. Basically the wish-list for everything I want to pursue my musical endeavors.
- The best guitarists, best songs and top ten songs that give me chill bumps and for what reasons. AKA my "I-wish-I--was-them" and "I-wish-I-could-play-that" list.
- Top ten list of where I go to get things done, where I look for tabs, how I find the most reliable chords and in general how I learn songs.
Keep playing!
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